a rewrite, a rewrite! very exciting thunder and lightening

Pale Horse

my hospital bed in the living room I am a shut-off     room with its own 
weather my son trembles    in the distance baby’s breath in his fist 
like I’m his first date and he’s terrified      I’ll kiss him 
under the apple tree

I don’t sleep anymore    I dream with my eyes open    in my dream 
I predict    my daughter’s future     express myself through the mouth 
of a brown goat    

                 the goat shits daisies    and lilies 
they pile up on the couch   the window sill my daughter begs 
the doctor to increase the morphine      in my drip  

here’s a fence of poesies around my bed     violets   white tulips 
queen anne's lace    they hope to bury me in flowers my lavender 
nightgown stinks     of roses      my hands swim free       
float around the room
touching petals          when no one’s watching the children 

whisper about me upstairs      I use my new eyes to see 
                                     through  the ceiling

when my goat is done chewing          the potted plants 
he lets me lean on him leads me into the kitchen  
                     I do things

there at night excellent      meals   I put 
                                   together and hide

they’ve picked out a flowered 
urn for my ashes   I have other 
                                               plans