Also: since certain things in my life have changed that I won't go into, I've been noticing that my feelings have come back. This is a really odd experience. I keep thinking, "I'm out of control! I'm insane!" and then I double check and think, "no, most people would get very angry if they totally prepped for the GRE and worried and anxietized and all that, and then were denied, shall we say, fullfiment? The climax?" I think that would upset anyone.
Feelings are odd.
I'm half tempted to dispose of them again.