Wednesday, September 03, 2008

A or B?




A) Amanda, Alisa, Anna, Bethany

someone is whispering names
at the doctor's office,
I am trying to turn my head
to see who: a goldfish
is chewing his way through
my palm, an absent, wriggling pain

when I wake up I'm on my back
porch, my breath bleaching the air
the empty beech trees
across the windblown lawn
clatter then still

my back aches while I rake
the horse stalls; the barn empty
for years, but sometimes I remember
laying on the back of a mare,
putting my cheek down along her neck
and feeling the blaze of heat from her skin

somewhere, there is a math in this,
someone could calculate addition and loss

the wind knocks the shuddering barn door
against its hinges, my daughter
would have hands like me,
this bent thumb, but much smaller

--------
B) Invisible Animals Crowd Round Your Face

Amanda Alisa Anna Bethany someone is whispering names at the doctor's office I am trying to turn my head to see a goldfish is chewing his way through my palm an absent wriggling pain when I wake up I'm on my back porch my breath bleaching the air the empty beech trees across the windblown lawn clatter then still my back aches while I rake the horse stalls the barn empty for years but sometimes I remember laying on the back of a mare putting my cheek down along her neck feeling the blaze of heat from her skin somewhere there is a math in this someone could calculate addition and loss the wind knocks the shuddering barn door against its hinges my daughter would have hands like me this bent thumb but smaller

3 comments:

greg rappleye said...

I like the first version.
But either one is very strong.

You're writing a lot of good things lately.

Christine said...

Thanks, Greg!

jillypoet said...

I like the first one, too. Somehow the images are stronger in stanzas, spread out on their own. Really great poem!