So I did get accepted to be Lodestar's poet of the month, which has me thrilled. They actually asked for a headshot, which got me attempting to do something nice with a mirror and a digital camera. It turned out ehh. Here's one of the poems they're publishing:

Affection Control

All spills must be contained.
Special orange cones have
been provided.

Here is a list. Please point
to the nearest hazardous
condition in your environment.

It should be clearly indicated
on the map on your desk.

Do not leave the room until
the “all clear” sounds.

A nurse is available at all times
should anyone need an injection.

The needle is small but causes a great
deal of site trauma. Bruising and
swelling of the face sometimes occurs.

Watch for drooling and spontaneous
erections. Infected individuals may want
to touch everyone’s hair.

As the affection progresses, safe areas
diminish. These should be circled clearly
on your skin.

The nurse will provide you with a magic marker.
It is a mistake to try to write at this point.
Humming is also discouraged.

Please be sure to rinse the affection from your
eyes by dousing them with ammonia for five
minutes.

You may experience blurred vision.
Staggering & moonblindness are common.